


but what do you see?

by fireworkrainouts



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: "the will of the Force" really did Obi-Wan dirty huh, ...ouch, Angst, Gen, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares (?), POV Obi-Wan Kenobi, drops of humour, everyone is trying their best, kid-anakin is a poet, obi-wan & anakin centric, obi-wan is way too harsh on himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26102092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireworkrainouts/pseuds/fireworkrainouts
Summary: “And you, Anakin? What do you see?”Anakin seems to shrink. “I don’t know. Loneliness. There are so many, and I said to Qui-Gon that I wanted to see them all one day, but - but that isn’t really possible, is it? So they’re all lonely. There’s so many, and still they’re lonely. And so far away.”“But they have planets and asteroids among many other things going around them, and planets can have moons”, Obi-Wan points out.“I think that makes it worse”, Anakin says, shivering. “To have so much around you but have it all just out of reach. Like, if anyone comes too close, they melt, so you’re just alone to the end of times.”-Back when Anakin was just a small child and Obi-Wan was young and inexperienced and neither had a clue what to do, they started a game.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 10
Kudos: 99





	but what do you see?

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is the quickest thing I've ever written, honestly - in one day.
> 
> it's not what I was meaning to write but the idea hitnand I thought, "why not, it'll just be a quick one-shot"
> 
> (by the way, listening to Anakin's betrayal, I'm so sorry and Burying the dead while reading, or in my case, editing this, gives it a whole new dimension)
> 
> somewhat related: the whole thing about master & padawans sharing a room... is untrue? I kind of knew that, but for this, I did some closer research, and, oof. had to edit a few bits to fit better

Technically, the first time The Question is asked it is by Anakin and not Obi-Wan, even though the concept was Obi-Wan’s idea.  
  


“What do you see?” Anakin asks.  
  


They’re sitting at the small table at Obi-Wan’s quarters. Anakin spends practically all of his time out of his own quarters, because everything is still new to him. He already got lost once, after which Obi-Wan told him to stick close. After _that_ Anakin had shown up every morning abysmally early, until Obi-Wan told him that he could sleep a little longer.  
  


It’s a peaceful morning. Obi-Wan, still feeling exhausted, despite sleeping around the clock, narrows his eyes and sips at his still-too-hot tea. “What?”  
  


“When your eyes go all funny”, Anakin elaborates. “Glassy. When you’re not looking at this world anymore. What do you see?”   
  


It catches Obi-Wan so off-guard he accidentally swallows a whole bunch of hot tea, and only his legendary self-control keeps his expression unchanged and posture upright. He has no idea what to reply to that, though. What _can_ he? The truth? That he keeps seeing Qui-Gon, and the Sith? All the time?  
  


“Things…” he begins, hesitantly. “Things that have happened. Before. Old things.”  
  


Anakin nods thoughtfully, as if Obi-Wan had just given him a detailed, multi-page explanation full of reflection and interesting viewpoints instead of dropping a few words that give a vague image of what he meant. Force, he’s already screwing this up.  
  


“I sometimes see things that are going to happen”, Anakin finally says. “Or that won’t happen, but _could_ .”  
  


“Oh”, says Obi-Wan, feeling completely useless.   
  


Anakin looks at him worriedly. “Is that okay?”   
  


Obi-Wan isn’t entirely sure whether Anakin means himself or Obi-Wan, but it doesn’t matter. Regardless of the intention, Obi-Wan doesn’t want Anakin panicking over something that he can’t control himself.  
  


“Yes”, Obi-Wan confirms. “That’s… that’s okay.”  
  


* * *

  
Anakin has been at the Temple for a while now and he still refuses to go to the communal dining hall alone. Obi-Wan can’t help but fear that the boy is lonely. Or, since he knows Anakin must be, he’s afraid he’s _too_ lonely. The company of Obi-Wan is a constant out of his lessons, but how much is the company of your mentor, who is sixteen years older than you, worth?  
  


So, as he sits down opposite of Anakin, he asks The Question, without really thinking about it.  
  


“What do you see in the dining hall that makes you avoid it?”  
  


Anakin, still wary of him, scoffs and picks at his food. “You know what.”  
  


Obi-Wan holds back a sigh. He’s bad at this. He knows not to be too harsh on himself, since nothing in his training exactly prepared him for _this_ , and he barely even got knighted before taking on Anakin. Still, he feels horrible and guilty at the sight of the miserable child in front of him.  
  


Besides, he _does_ know what the reason is. Anakin is supposed to be the Chosen one, and that has spread like a wildfire. People look at Anakin, a scrawny, short boy with messy hair and eyes clear as crystal, and think, _no way_. Then they actually feel Anakin in the Force, the way Anakin’s power, that he can’t even properly control yet, radiating from him.  
  


They’re afraid of Anakin.  
  


Anakin grits it out himself. “They don’t want to talk to me. They _fear_ me.”  
  


And isn't that the worst thing that could happen? Obi-Wan looks at his apprentice and it hurts that he can't make people see that the child is kind and doing his best, that difference isn't necessarily a bad thing. All he can do is comfort Anakin and set the table at his quarters, so that when the young boy stumbles in hungry after lessons, Obi-Wan is there, and Anakin doesn't have to be alone.  
  


* * *

  
Of course things get easier with time. After a while, the prejudices fade, and one day, when Anakin doesn’t turn up for lunch, he goes and finds the child sitting at a table, with two other padawans, chatting shyly. The sight makes Obi-WAn happy and finally eases his concerns, and for the first time in ages he goes to see his friends in the Temple, to spar with them and _talk_.  
  


Sometimes, though, when Anakin is doing something, his eyes go glassy, and he seems to go somewhere else, and that’s when Obi-Wan thinks it up; The Question.  
  


“What do you see?”  
  


Anakin almost falls over in his chair. He _does_ knock over his (luckily empty) mug. With a frown, the boy turns to him. “What?”  
  


Obi-Wan manages to think through his next words approximately three and a half times before proceeding.  
  


“When your eyes go glassy. When you are not, ah”, he pauses, trying to hold back his smile and recall the exact words Anakin used, “- looking at this world anymore. What do you see?”  
  


A crooked smile appears on Anakin’s face as he understands what Obi-Wan is saying and where the words come from. He pokes Obi-Wan in the side, giggles a little, and then goes hilariously serious in the blink of an eye.  
  


“Things”, he says after thinking about a while. “Like, _lots_ of things. You’d have to ask me a lot if you want to hear them all.”  
  


“Hm”, Obi-Wan muses. “Then I just have to ask a lot, don’t I?”  
  


* * *

  
They go to the gardens. The garden is a well-kept area, with flowers shining with their astounding colours and their varying smells all mix together creating an atmosphere unlike anything Obi-Wan has ever experienced.   
  


He gestures around the garden as Anakin stares. Obi-Wan feels inexplicably nervous. This has been his favourite place for ages, and he just - he just wants Anakin to like them, too, and for Anakin to find the same comfort in them as he once did.  
  


“What do you see?”  
  


Anakin seems to snap back to reality, and he frowns a little. He has this habit of thinking really long before saying anything - a habit that has begun _after_ Anakin came to the Temple, because on the ship to Naboo, he had talked all the time - and when speaking, Anakin would always choose his words really carefully. Obi-Wan suspects it is because he’s trying to copy the way everyone else is speaking, to feel like he’s fitting in.  
  


“Everything is… in place. Like, um. Organized.” Anakin pauses again. “Like, they’ve all been grown in their place, and they… are all identical.”  
  


 _Oh_. Of course Obi-Wan hadn’t thought of that - of course Anakin would’ve wanted to see wilderness more than this, domesticated plants all grown to perfection -  
  


“But I like it”, Anakin concludes. “They’re all so colourful and healthy - they look happy. And bright. So. They make me feel happy?”  
  


He turns his blue eyes up to Obi-Wan, head tilted slightly, looking for approval. Obi-Wan searches for words. None can quite portray what he’s feeling, so he squeezes Anakin’s shoulder and smiles.  
  


“Yes. They make me feel happy too.”  
  


* * *

  
(Not long after, Anakin asks: “Can we have a plant?”  
  


Obi-Wan, not being able to think one single reason it would be a bad idea, agrees; it’s not like Anakin asked for a _tooka_ , right? When they go ask a worker if they could have one - “something small and simple, easy to take care of” - And they’re pointed to a box of small ones, Anakin chooses the smallest of them all and the one that looks half dead. Obi-Wan and the worker join efforts trying to talk Anakin out of it, to choose one more likely to survive it, but Anakin has decided and stands his ground.  
  


“What do you see?” he asks suddenly, shoving the small pot under Obi-Wan’s nose.  
  


“A plant”, Obi-Wan replies, not knowing what Anakin is looking for here.  
  


Anakin nods firmly. “Exactly. It’s a plant like those others, and I’m gonna grow it like any other plant.”)  
  


* * *

  
They happen to have some free time after a peaceful mission on Tython. It’s dark but the sky is clear, and Obi-Wan decides that since Anakin is still full of energy, they might as well go see some stars, because he remembers Anakin being infatuated with stars and the concept of the numerous planets around them.  
  


Next to each other, they sit on damp grass, Anakin leaning into Obi-Wan a little. Obi-Wan cranes his head back to see the sky properly. It’s astounding, as always, and he’s certain he’ll never have quite enough of watching them, from space or from planet. He remembers when he did this for the first time with Qui-Gon, remembers the cool glass as he’d pressed his nose against it. Obi-Wan remembers the immediate shame following, and apologising to Qui-Gon, and Qui-Gon just smiling and saying that it was alright, that stars are always worth being excited over.  
  


With a memory-induced smile, Obi-Wan turns to look at Anakin.   
  


His eyes are wide, his mouth slightly open, but his expression is oddly anxious. Frowning, Obi-Wan is already ready to go for it, but Anakin turns to him and beats him to it.  
  


“What do you see?” Anakin asks in a whisper.  
  


Obi-Wan turns back to the sky. What _does_ he see? Anakin’s answers are always elaborate and dead-serious in a way that is amusing coming from an eleven-year old, and Obi-Wan has a feeling that just saying “stars” could be underwhelming and break their atmosphere a bit.  
  


“Possibilities”, he says, finally. “An endless amount of possibilities.”'  
  


Anakin hums.   
  


“And you, Anakin? What do you see?”   
  


Anakin seems to shrink. “I don’t know. Loneliness. There are so many, and I said to Qui-Gon that I wanted to see them all one day, but - but that isn’t really possible, is it? So they’re all lonely. There’s so many, and still they’re lonely. And so far away.”  
  


“But they have planets and asteroids among many other things going around them, and planets can have moons”, Obi-Wan points out.  
  


“I think that makes it worse”, Anakin says, shivering. “To have so much around you but have it all just out of reach. Like, if anyone comes too close, they melt, so you’re just alone to the end of times.”  
  


* * *

  
(Later, when Obi-Wan leaves for a mission without Anakin for the first time since Anakin became his padawan, he finds himself looking around the ship, seeing numerous things he knows Anakin would be happy seeing, and suddenly, in the middle of standing in front of the biggest window on the ship and thinking about how much he’d like to explain various things to Anakin, who always listens eagerly, drinking in new information, he thinks, _oh.  
  
_

Obi-Wan turns to look at the vastness of space, of the complete darkness surrounding the ship, and listens to the silence. He’s completely alone, he could hear a pin drop. The stars twinkle in the distance, far out of his reach, far out of each others’ reach, and there, Obi-Wan thinks, _oh_.)  
  


* * *

  
One night, Obi-Wan is sleeping restlessly. His thoughts are burying him, and he just can’t seem to be able to rest. The dark void in his head grows too large, and eventually he huffs and rolls off his bed. He decides to take a stroll around the Temple to clear his mind.  
  


Turns out he’s not the only one out at nighttime, because led by his instincts, Obi-Wan ends up in a corridor which has a gigantic window on the side, and in front of it, a huddled figure.  
  


“Anakin?” he calls, softly, hurrying to get to the side of his padawan.  
  


Anakin is staring out of the window, eyes blank. His face is reddish, and he’s shivering. His hands have been clenched into fists, and his mouth is a straight line. Anakin is _trembling_ , Obi-Wan notes, and concerned, he sits down next to him.  
  


He looks out at Coruscant, mind racing.  
  


“What do you see?” Obi-Wan asks.  
  


For a long time, Anakin stays silent, and Obi-Wan is already thinking that he won’t get a reply at all when he finally shifts his position and opens his mouth.  
  


“Something else”, Anakin answers curtly.  
  


Obi-Wan tries to decide whether or not he should prod further. Anakin is only thirteen, and he’s out of bed in the middle of the night staring out at the city outside - that is something to be worried over and needs further research. Obi-Wan thinks about what would be the wisest approach, before settling for The Question 2.0.  
  


“And…” Obi-Wan turns to look at Anakin’s eyes, now. “What _did_ you see?”  
  


Another silence follows, even longer than the first. He’s rocking himself back and forth, until taking a shaky breath. “I… I saw… I don’t know how to, to describe it. It. It was just pain.”  
  


It comes out as a whisper, and Anakin turns to look back at Obi-Wan. His eyes are full of fear, panic and exhaustion, and Obi-Wan can’t help but wonder how long this has been going on. How did he miss this?  
  


Hesitating, Obi-Wan lifts his arm. They haven’t actually _hugged_ since Anakin Obi-Wan announced he’d take Anakin to Ilum for the first time, and that had been some time ago already. He isn’t sure whether or not physical contact would be appreciated. What Obi-Wan _does_ know is that it certainly wouldn’t be the move the Jedi would recommend. What he should do is propose meditating together or something of that kind, but he knows Anakin isn’t all too big on that and he’s afraid he’ll accidentally push the teenager further away.  
  


Anakin moves into his space, under the arm, and wraps his arms around Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan looks at the padawan in his arms and sees someone who needs guidance, someone who needs reassurance, and Obi-Wan can only hope he will be able to provide.  
  


* * *

  
At this point, it becomes an inside joke, and The Question is asked all the time to the point of irritation and eventual regret.  
  


* * *

  
“What _do_ you see in that?” Obi-Wan asks, exasperated, but never above _not_ using that line.  
  


He’s come to get Anakin for some light sparring, and finds the teen watering his dear plant, that is, somehow, still alive. It hasn’t grown all that much, but it’s green and has managed to grow exactly _two_ little blue flowers.   
  


“It’s a plant”, Anakin explains helpfully.  
  


Obi-Wan shakes his head. “But every other plant you own dies in the span of a week. A month at most.”  
  


“Well, that’s because they’re at _your_ quarters.”  
  


“That is an illogical argument. You spend more time there than here.”  
  


Anakin sets the pot down so carefully it’s ridiculous. “Have you ever considered the possibility that your presence drains them, old man? You gotta find your energy somewhere…”  
  


Obi-Wan’s eyebrows shoot up closer to his _non_ -receding hairline. “Oh, we are going there, now?”  
  


He leans forward to ruffle Anakin’s hair. Anakin laughs and ducks away from his reach.  
  


* * *

  
One morning, Anakin has already set the tea and is sitting at Obi-Wan's far too small table staring into his mug, which surprises Obi-Wan as Anakin, regretfully, doesn’t share the same love for tea. Still, the atmosphere is somber, and Obi-Wan takes a seat very, very carefully.  
  


“You are staring at that tea very intensively”, Obi-Wan states quietly, trying not to scare Anakin out of his thoughts. “What do you see?”  
  


Anakin looks up, and the exhaustion is clear. “Anger. And I don’t know what to make of it.”  
  


Obi-Wan frowns. “Anger? What kind?”  
  


“Really intense”, Anakin explains and shrugs. “Maybe rage fits better. I don’t know. Far too vague to be of use anyway. It’s probably just an unrelated thing..”  
  


“And not a future thing?” Obi-Wan asks, eyebrows lifted.  
  


Anakin smiles weakly in return. “I’d hope not, because if the future is like that, it’s gonna suck.”   
  


* * *

  
It’s odd, how when he’s going to get executed for the first time in his life, he doesn’t even think about the execution itself all that much. His mind is still _reeling_ from all the insanity he’s been through lately. In a span of a few days, his entire worldview has been turned upside down.  
  


First of all, Kamino. And not just Kamino, the planet, but the fact that there is a literal _army_ in the making there. An army of _clones_ , all without any of them knowing, and requested by a Jedi. A Jedi, of all people! Of course that isn’t enough, but there is a Sith Lord claiming there is _another_ Sith Lord controlling the Republic. And he’s getting executed.  
  


Could his day be getting any better?  
  


Yes, apparently, because his apprentice and the woman he was supposed to be protecting “at all costs” are _also_ being brought into the middle of the execution arena.  
  


“Huh”, Obi-Wan says, and tries to decide whether or not it is worrying that he’s barely surprised. “I _was_ wondering whether my message got anywhere.”  
  


Anakin nods politely to the Geonosian tying him up. “Oh, yeah. We did what you said, and, y’know, polite as we are, we decided to come to rescue you.”  
  


“Of course. Marvelous job you’re doing, so far.”  
  


Obi-Wan sighs. He’d already disliked Tatooine. What is it with deserts and potentially traumatic situations?  
  


“Master”, Anakin says, sounding scandalised. “You sound sarcastic. Why do you sound sarcastic? Is there something I’m not seeing here? What _do_ you see?”  
  


Obi-Wan rolls his eyes. “I see an absolute disaster waiting to happen. I also see a great deal of sand and dust.”  
  


“Are you two concentrating?” Amidala - Padmé yells from - from somewhere up?   
  


Obi-Wan turns to gaze at her pole, finding that Padmé has indeed gone and climbed up to enjoy the view. Anakin is paying more attention to the animals brought in - a reek, a nexu and an _acklay_ , Force-forbid.  
  


“Yes, we are”, Anakin is saying, “It’s just this thing we do -”  
  


“Oh, Anakin”, Obi-Wan interrupts. “No need to explain. She already seems to be on top of things.”  
  


* * *

  
Knowing his apprentice has been allowed to return and that Anakin would never stay in the Halls of Healing for a single second longer than absolutely necessary, Obi-Wan braces himself and heads to Anakin’s room. The door is closed as always, so he knocks. He receives no invitation, but since there’s no denying answer either, it’s probably as big of an invitation as he can expect.  
  


Anakin is sitting on the edge of his bed, mechanical hand resting on his table with some pieces missing. There’s tools laying around in a mess, a screwdriver in Anakin’s mouth, and his bedsheets are definitely ruined.  
  


Obi-Wan sighs, moves a few of Anakin’s things, and sits down. He knows, technically, what is wrong, so he doesn’t ask, and instead looks for something else he could say.  
  


Turns out he doesn’t need to, because Anakin speaks first. Anakin makes a frustrated sound and Obi-Wan realises the younger man is close to tears as he turns to face Obi-Wan.  
  


“What - what do you see?” Anakin asks desperately, pointing at his mechanical hand that has been taken apart. “What do you see?”  
  


It’s a tricky question.  
  


“I see you”, Obi-Wan says, honestly. “Immediately working to become better, working on something that can be improved. You not giving up.”  
  


A terrible silence follows, like it always does when Obi-Wan attempts a reassuring speech. That terrible silence, that moment when he doesn’t quite know whether or not he said the right thing. It’s the silence during which Obi-Wan prepares himself to face the backlash if he did it wrong, if Anakin is going to explode.  
  


The silence stretches on until Anakin hums, turning away. He doesn’t say anything, just stares at his new arm.  
  


* * *

  
They have to make the trip of shame to Ilum. Again. Anakin is in a surprisingly good mood and obnoxiously gleeful that Obi-Wan, too, lost his lightsaber. Obi-Wan has many good counterpoints, many involving another person managing to lose several lightsabers instead of just one, and a few hilarious comebacks involving arms, loose and attached, but he figures it might be a bit too fresh.  
  


“Would you look at _this_ ”, Anakin exclaims as they arrive at the icy caves. “Have you ever seen this before?”  


And then, realising his opportunity a beat too late: “What do you see?”  
  


Obi-Wan shakes his head and smiles fondly. “I see a place you visit so often you might as well move here.”  
  


Anakin’s laughter echoes in the caves.  
  


* * *

  
“Tell me, Obi-Wan”, Anakin asks quietly in a dark voice. “What the _hell_ do you see and why do I not see it?”  
  


Obi-Wan could answer: an army, or thousands of identical men, or a lot of loyal soldiers, but that is not the answer Anakin is looking for and the answer Anakin is looking for is not one Obi-Wan can give. There is no right answer, and Obi-Wan knows it as well as Anakin does. They’ll have to pretend that what they’re doing is right, pretend that their principles aren’t slowly getting lost, and believe in it.  
  


Obi-Wan treats the clones as kindly as he can, does his utmost to spare lives, but war is war and lines blur and Obi-Wan finds himself scared that someday he’ll lose himself too.  
  


* * *

  
Standing in the circle during Anakin’s knighting feels incredible. Obi-Wan has completed his task given from Qui-Gon - he trained Anakin to knighthood. However, during the years, it’s become something far more, something far greater than just a simple hasty promise made to a dying man.   
  


Watching Anakin from behind the lightsaber, a smile on his face, Obi-Wan silently wishes all the best for him. Even though Obi-Wan’s eyes burn from being so close to his far too bright lightsaber, he can’t tear his eyes away from Anakin, who is beaming, whose eyes are _shining_ in the dark room only illuminated by lightsabers.  
  


Anakin’s padawan braid falls to the ground as Yoda cuts it off. Anakin, a Jedi _Knight,_ stands up tall, and without even being prompted by The Question, Obi-Wan’s mind answers: _someone incredible, brilliant, who has it in him to save the entire galaxy.  
  
_

He hopes that when Anakin looks at him, he sees how proud and delighted Obi-Wan feels when he looks at Anakin.  
  


* * *

  
Obi-Wan watches Ahsoka’s retreating brack. Anakin is watching her too, and… Obi-Wan wants to know. He _needs_ to know, really, just to make sure the Jedi Council hasn’t just made an enormous mistake.  
  


“What do you see?” he asks quietly.  
  


Anakin jumps, caught off-guard, but the moment only lasts for a second. “Potential. She’s really clever, good at improvising - although, we definitely need to work on-”  
  


Obi-Wan huffs and nudges Anakin gently. “Try again.”  
  


Anakin stops, looking at Obi-Wan with an unreadable expression, almost like he’s searching. Something is hanging in the air, but Obi-Wan can’t quite intercept it. Then the moment passes, and Anakin’s entire posture shifts into a more relaxed one.  
  


“Yeah, yeah”, he says and rolls his eyes. “Fine. I see… me, I guess. She’s trying really hard, and I remember how it felt, when I got turned down. It was like no one wanted me, and - and I just, don’t want to be someone who does that, y’know? And she really is incredible, I mean, she’s just fourteen…”  
  


Anakin rambles on, and Obi-Wan smiles. Right choice, then.  
  


* * *

  
Obi-Wan sits comfortably watching Ahsoka and Anakin spar. He is supposed to give them tips, out of Anakin’s request, but he’s pretty sure he’s present only to calm Anakin’s nerves. He doubts Anakin actually wants him to interject if there is a mistake he notices; in fact, he's reasonably certain Anakin would be irritated if he did. Not that there seems to be need - after the initial stiffness and nerves, Ahsoka is starting to fight really well and Anakin is actually showing that he, too, is capable of patience.  
  


“What do you see?” Anakin asks, playfully, when they finally slow down for a minute to drink.  
  


Ahsoka looks confused, but Obi-Wan smiles. “Oh, I see a great deal of things.”  
  


“Am I missing something here…?” Ahsoka questions.  
  


Anakin turns towards her. “It’s just a thing. Obi-Wan has a habit of asking me what I see.”  
  


Ahsoka looks even more confused, and she makes a face. “But… why?”  
  


“I’ve been wondering the exact same thing for ten years now”, Anakin tells her, eyes shining. “I’m thinking he’s getting a little shortsighted in his old age, which is nothing to be ashamed of, but just saying it won’t take long until _what do you hear_ and _why don’t I hear_ are invented -”  
  


Obi-Wan stands up. “Old age? Well, I am quite sure I can still beat you in my old age. Come on.”  
  


Ahsoka giggles, and now it’s Anakin making a face. “I _just_ fought.”  
  


“Afraid to face the elderly?”  
  


Anakin splutters, but his eyes are twinkling, not unlike Obi-Wan’s, as he moves back into the sparring arena.  
  


They get into their starting positions. Sitting at the side, Ahsoka is looking between them in excitement, full of that youthful energy and eagerness to learn. Obi-Wan smiles to himself as he readies himself. Anakin is turning out to be an even better mentor than he thought. Ahsoka is fitting right in with them.   
  


* * *

  
His headache is killing him. Exhaustion is making him shake, and his thoughts are gathering into one great dark void, sucking the last bits of energy from him. Obi-Wan presses his nails into his calf but the pain remains as intense as it was, the sounds of his men dying over the comlink don’t fade away from his ears and he’s so out of it that he barely notices Anakin sitting down near him.  
  


“You know”, he says, quietly, clearly not trying to add to Obi-Wan’s pounding headache, which he appreciates. “I should thank you.”  
  


That is not what Obi-Wan expected, although he’s smart and aware enough to know that where this is going is probably an awkward attempt at comfort from Anakin. Doesn’t mean that it’s worth any less, though.   
  


He lifts his head a little, tries to open his eyes just enough to see Anakin but not enough to get assaulted by light. _What for_ , he wants to ask but words are stuck in his aching throat.  
  


“You took me on as an apprentice so young, while _I_ was so young, and…” Anakin huffs out half a laugh. “Now, with Ahsoka, I can really understand how… how insane it must’ve been, not to mention that I have you to help if I’m about to fuck it up. And if I do, you’re there to tell me how to solve it. I appreciated you back then, of course, but I… see now.”  
  


And in that moment, as Obi-Wan feels like this is the lowest he’s been for a long time, he lets the question slip out. His voice is weary, resigned, and the question comes out almost desperate. He needs to know.  
  


“What did you see?”  
  


It sounds even more pathetic once he’s said it out loud, but Obi-Wan _needs_ to know. He needs to know why little-Anakin had idolised him so much. He needs to know how they ended up here, as friends and not as two bitter men full of resentment.   
  


Anakin doesn’t even blink, just meets Obi-Wan’s eyes head on.  
  


“Someone I could trust. Someone that had my back when no one else did.” Anakin smiles. “I want to be that for Ahsoka, and that’s what I’m trying to be. I want to thank you for showing me how.”  
  


* * *

  
As they’re waiting for Anakin in front of his room before attending a mission briefing, Ahsoka approaches him.  
  


“Master”, she says, “I’ve been wondering about the, the _what do you see_ , thing, since you two say it all the time. Skyg- Master Skywalker told me to ask you, because according to him, you made it up…?”  
  


“I actually did make it up”, Obi-Wan confesses. “It worked really well, as you have noticed. Highly recommend it if your padawan is high-maintenance.”  
  


Ahsoka grins. Obi-Wan is glad that they are all a team together, even though Anakin has been a knight for years now. He’s glad he’s gotten to know Ahsoka, gotten to spend time with her and Anakin. He still loves teaching, and Ahsoka is a brilliant apprentice.  
  


Obi-Wan makes sure to raise his voice just enough for Anakin to hear.  
  


“I’m not sure why I’m telling you, considering you’re the padawan, but I guess it works on high-maintenance Masters too.”  
  


“I hear you!” Anakin yells from his room.  
  


Ahsoka yells the reply through the door for him. “That’s the point!”  
  


A few moments later Anakin appears, hair sticking in all directions, eyes shining. He looks between Ahsoka and Obi-Wan, and smiles widely. Obi-Wan can feel his happiness radiating, and it’s good. This is good, for them all. The war is taking much, demanding all they have to give, and it’s good to get something back every once in a while. It’s good to have these moments of happiness.  
  


“You two are conspiring against me, I swear”, he says. “Not sure I like it.”  
  


Side by side, united, the trio march through the decorative corridors of the Temple towards the Council Chambers.  
  


* * *

  
On the night after an especially rough and costly fight, Obi-Wan goes to the hangar, knowing that Anakin is there, and lo and behold, the young man is tinkering with his ship. Oil on his face and clothes all dirty, eyes glazed over and unfocused, but his hands never stop moving with precise movements.  
  


He opens his mouth, but Anakin lifts one hand up as a sign - he does _not_ want to talk about it. Unsurprising.  
  


So Obi-Wan sits down next to the ship and watches Anakin work. The hangar is dark safe for the emergency light illuminating the entrances and Anakin’s working lights. It’s quiet, with only Anakin’s occasional huffing and the sounds of him working breaking the silence. Obi-Wan has to admit that it’s peaceful.  
  


But if he wants to know what Anakin thinks, why Anakin relishes this so much - well. He only has to ask, right?  
  


“What do you see?” Obi-Wan asks, and Anakin turns his head and beams at him.  
  


* * *

  
They’re sitting around a fire, barely awake. Ahsoka is sleeping, and the two of them are supposed to keep watch. Anakin is staring at the fire so intensively it’s like he’s watching footage of new tactics, except there’s something wrong about his expression. It’s pained, horrified.  
  


“Anakin?”  
  


Anakin looks up. His eyes are glazed over.  
  


“What do you see?” Obi-Wan asks.  
  


Anakin breathes out shakily. “I don’t know what it is. Hate. I see suffering. But it isn’t, none of it is clear. I can’t tell what it _is_ , or why I’m seeing it. It’s - it’s in the fire.”  
  


Obi-Wan shivers despite being next to a burning fire. The heat seems to have no effect on him, and instead he feels like he’s freezing. He shifts a little, pulling his tunic on better.   
  


He hopes that Anakin isn’t seeing the future.  
  


* * *

  
“Force”, Obi-Wan breathes out, only barely making it out from the ruins of the ship.  
  


It feels amazing to have solid ground under his feet. He takes in his surroundings - long grass, brightly coloured flowers and various other plants. There’s chirping of birds in the air - hold on, that might just be his tinnitus - and the scene feels comically peaceful. As if they didn’t almost die in a crash a couple seconds ago.  
  


It takes a moment, but the ringing of his ears fades enough for him to hear Ahsoka and Anakin bickering behind him. He turns on his shaky legs to face the duo, who both seem completely unconcerned and, well, unfazed. Perhaps Obi-Wan _is_ aging, then, not that he’d ever dare to even hint at it anywhere near Anakin.  
  


Or, perhaps his padawan and grand-padawan are both insane. All things considered, the latter feels a whole lot more likely.  
  


“Tell her, Obi-Wan”, Anakin whines. “It was a perfectly safe landing.”  
  


“You crashed the ship”, Ahsoka says incredulously. “It was nowhere near controlled.”  
  


“Lies, all lies.”  
  


Obi-Wan shakes his head. “No, no. Ahsoka is right. Anakin, you are mental and need to read a dictionary.”  
  


“Could _eat_ a dictionary”, Anakin mumbles, and then shrugs. “I don’t find a problem, we are all still alive. What do you see that worries you so?”  
  


“I see a man that needs to have his flying license revoked”, Obi-Wan says firmly.   
  


Ahsoka laughs, and logically, they all know that if Anakin hadn’t been the pilot, they would’ve lost more than the ship. Still. It does not give Anakin any sanity points. For now, Obi-Wan settles for thanking the Force, continuously, that he's standing on two feet on steady ground.  
  


* * *

  
The voice chanting in his head is screaming _failure, failure, failure.  
  
_

Ahsoka is gone, she _left_ , and Obi-Wan can’t blame her for it, not even one bit, nor does he want to. Anakin is wrecked, and Obi-Wan is too, because it felt like Ahsoka had partly been his padawan as well. And now she’s gone, because she was framed for a terrorist attack, then kicked from the Jedi Order and the only thing that kept her from getting punished was Anakin dragging the real offender from Force-knows where, but of course the real offender had to be Ahsoka’s friend and a fellow Jedi.  
  


Force, what a mess.  
  


Now both of them are sitting in front of a familiar gigantic window, once again staring at Coruscant during nighttime. They likely share the same mantra of _I could’ve done better, I should’ve done better_ in their heads, but neither of them speak and they pretend that it’s going to be fine by morning and they pretend that Anakin isn’t crying and they pretend they are engaging in healthy coping mechanisms and they pretend that there isn’t a huge gaping hole between them -  
  


Because they’re Jedi, and Jedi don’t have attachments. Jedi meditate. Jedi let go.   
  


It’s the one lesson Obi-Wan could never successfully teach to Anakin, and he wonders if he’s going to regret not trying harder later, but the thing that makes Anakin so special is the way he feels so strongly, and who is Obi-Wan to take that away? Besides, they made their own game.  
  


And maybe it is childish, and utterly ridiculous, but it works, most of the time.  
  


So Obi-Wan asks, when the sun is coming up and paints the city in it’s light, when the tears have dried and all that is left is bitterness and grief. “What do you see?”  
  


Anakin shakes his head, his exhaustion thickening the air. “I don’t know.”  
  


* * *

_Well, there are worse ways to go_ , Obi-Wan thinks tiredly. He watches as the last bits of smoke are blown away from what is left of his fighter by the wind. It is a peaceful way. He’s going to die from blood loss in an hour or so, if he estimates it correctly. In case the Force intervenes and he miraculously survives, not even a Jedi can stand thirst for all too long, especially not a human one.  
  


Obi-Wan rolls onto his back so he can look at the darkening sky instead. The first shining dots are showing. He still thinks it is beautiful, the sky. He does feel a little lonely, though. Obi-Wan had always imagined that when he’d go down, he’d do so with Anakin or at least on Anakin’s side, but life doesn’t always turn out as expected. Obi-Wan huffs - his life is a prime example of just that.  
  


Technically, they are on the same side, except Anakin is kilometers away fighting a battle while Obi-Wan got shot down before he reached the ground and had to direct his fighter somewhere else.  
  


Only moments later, his comlink buzzes, which is odd, because it wasn’t working a minute ago.  
  


“Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan, what’s your position?” It’s Anakin, because who else could it be than Anakin?  
  


“I got shot down”, Obi-Wan rasps out. “My position is… unknown.”  
  


There is a long silence following. Every now and then someone shouts orders or advice or just pure nonsense on Anakin’s end, or Anakin curses colourfully, but Anakin doesn’t directly address or react to what Obi-Wan said. Maybe he’s too in his battle-flow.   
  


Obi-Wan has been nervous, at times, about what kind of an effect his death might have on Anakin. He has great faith that Anakin could overcome it by some assistance, but now, after Ahsoka has left, he’s not all too sure.  
  


“What do you see?” Anakin finally says so clearly it has to be directed at Obi-Wan.  
  


Obi-Wan rolls his eyes even though Anakin can’t see it. “I’m not sure this is the conversation I want to engage in as I -”  
  


“No, dumbass”, Anakin cuts in, sounding strained with a hint of barely hidden desperation. “What do you see, like, for real. Surroundings. Big landmarks. That kind of stuff.”  
  


Obi-Wan isn’t all too sure whether to scold Anakin for name-calling or switch to his comforting voice as he should explain to Anakin that the younger man is way too far away to help Obi-Wan, even if he could find this specific fallen tree next to a mediocre rock.   
  


“Anakin, that’s -”  
  


… a ridiculous, stupid, useless plan, that is practically impossible.  
  


But telling Anakin to not do things isn’t generally the way to get him not to do things. Besides, impossible just happens to be the kind of thing Anakin does, so there Obi-Wan goes again, _hoping_.  
  


“- there’s a large fallen tree, some small lake or pond to my left, one big rock and several smaller ones. Nothing else is worth mentioning.”  
  


“Tell me when you see a handsome fella with a skillfully crafted lightsaber appear.”  
  


Obi-Wan sighs. So much for peace.  
  


* * *

  
(It’s pitch dark and very cold when the comlink crackles again.  
  


“What do you see?”  
  


Obi-Wan manages to crack his eyes open. The sound is far too loud in the endless silence surrounding him, except there are branches cracking somewhere, and he can hear the hum of a lightsaber -  
  


“That’s right, your saviour”, Anakin continues, and now his voice comes from next to Obi-Wan instead of his wrist. “No need to thank me. They’re tracking me, medics will be here in a few minutes.”  
  


Obi-Wan can’t answer, he’s too exhausted and his throat is drier than Tatooine during day, but he manages to wrench a tired smile on his face.)  
  


* * *

  
Panic is making Obi-Wan's hands shake and his knees weak.  
  


"What do you see?" Anakin asks, and his voice is coated in pain. Like he is.  
  


There is far too much blood. Anakin's entire side is covered in it, and his consciousness is slipping away with speed. Obi-Wan knows that the medics and any equipment are a long way further, and with his own leg broken there is no hope. Anakin is dying, and he needs help _now_.  
  


But he can't quite bring himself to say that out loud, even though he should.  
  


Anakin makes another pained noice and shudders. It's likely getting too cold for him. Obi-Wan bites his lip and closes his eyes. What kind of a Jedi is he, letting his former apprentice bleed out and die in his lap? He should do something. Anakin always does, and it seems to work out for him.  
  


So Obi-Wan closes his eyes and reaches for the Force. He is no trained healer, and healing wounds this severe without the proper training or energy is extremely dangerous, but he has to try. There is always a chance, right? He lets the power flow through him, puts his hands against Anakin's side, and works. His brain is tangled and it aches, but he forces himself to go forward, to make it better, and it's just as the first rays of morning sun hits that Obi-Wan finally lays back, out of breath and so utterly echausted it's a miracle his eyes are still open. He wishes he could just rest, just for one second, because everything hurts so much.  
  


Blinking, he turns his head to look at Anakin. The younger man is pale, his eyes closed. With a hand that shakes so bad he barely finds his target, Obi-Wan tries to find Anakin's pulse, and there it is, steady under his two fingers. Obi-Wan releases a shuddering breath. He succeeded.  
  


Still, he stays awake, with fingers pressed against Anakin's neck and one hand on the hilt of his lightsaber, all the way until the rescue team comes.  
  


"Good to see you", Anakin tells him, later, at the hands of a medic. "Thanks for the save. We're not even, by the way - I'm still in the lead - but it's appreciated."  
  


Obi-Wan huffs. Force, is he glad they're alive. That they're _well_ too is a huge stretch, and for now, alive is enough. They'll work on the rest later.  
  


* * *

_  
“What do you see?”  
  
_

Obi-Wan is burning. His insides boil. Or is he just imagining it? Feeling this because -  
  


_“- I see suffering -”  
  
_

* * *

  
The hells of Mustafar are reflected in Anakin’s eyes. The heat from the lava is burning both of them up. The stars are too far up, the future is in pieces. Dreams have faded, hopes have been crushed. There’s only hell down here.  
  


Breathing is hard. Staying upright is hard. The lightsaber in Obi-Wan’s hand feels heavy. His finger hovers over the ignition button. His ears are ringing, and every step is making him more and more dizzy.  
  


Anakin’s eyes are distant. His voice is flat, dull, toneless. “What do you see?”  
  


Oh, Force. Is this what they deserve?  
  


Obi-Wan shakes his head. Tears are prickling in his eyes. Nails digging into his palms, he forces himself to stand upright, keep his eyes level.  
  


“I see agony.”  
  


Mustafar burns and burns and burns. It burned before them, it burns with them, and long after they are gone. The past, the present, the future. Everything is on fire, and there is no relief.  
  


* * *

_  
What do you see? What do you see? What do you see?  
  
_

* * *

  
“Did you see _this_ when you found him?” Obi-Wan asks. Screams. “ _Did you?_ ”  
  


No one will ever answer him, though, because everyone is _gone_. It’s quiet, and the silence is suffocating him, because his brain is filling every blank with sounds and images more horrible than the last.  
  


And it burns, still, even though it’s midnight, even though there is no sun out to pour its heat on Obi-Wan, even though Mustafar is far away. Ages away. The agony won’t stop, and neither will Obi-Wan stop seeing it.  
  


* * *

_  
(“I owe you everything”, Anakin says, sincerely. “Thank you. Honestly. I don’t think anyone could’ve handled me during puberty as well as you did. And I couldn’t find a better friend than you.”  
  
_

_Obi-Wan laughs. “You are making this sound like a goodbye.”  
  
_

_Anakin’s smile turns rueful, and Obi-Wan feels something in his chest start aching. The smile on Anakin’s face - it’s almost like he knows something no one else doesn’t. Come to think of it, this expression has been on Anakin’s face a while, now. Obi-Wan wonders whether he should ask, but he already gave Anakin the opportunity to talk. He’s not fifteen anymore, is he? If Anakin doesn’t want to talk, he won’t. All Obi-Wan can do is reassure him.  
  
_

_“Want to take a guess what I see?” Obi-Wan asks. “What I have always seen?”  
  
_

_Anakin looks back confused. Obi-Wan proceeds, because Anakin will never guess right, and this one time - this one time Obi-Wan wants to speak out loud, to be courageous and not care about the official rules. This feels like an important moment, like a turning point.  
  
_

_“I see you, and what you are”, he says. “You are strong and wise. Oh, and kind, one of the kindest men I know. You have become a far greater Jedi than I could have ever hoped for. I am incredibly proud of you.”  
  
_

_Anakin looks… crushed. That is the only word for it. Moments later, they’re hugging each other tight, and against the code or not, Obi-Wan feels the best he has in a long while.  
  
_

_The war is ending, and Force, have they waited for it. Only a little while now, and they can rest.)  
  
_

* * *

  
Obi-Wan is certain he’ll always feel the fire. Oh, Force. They were so close, weren’t they? They could almost touch their happy ending with their fingertips. And now it’s all gone. Gone and buried with the dead. Mustafar and its heat won’t ever fade, but… but Obi-Wan isn’t so sure if he wants them to.  
  


He has always thought that it is better to melt near the sun than to freeze alone.

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> (this was basically a study of their friendship through the years)
> 
> (might purge or add something later)
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
